Stepping Over

Old-school flame, Apophysis 1.0
march 20 2003.
I had discovered this software about three weeks before.

This image came out while i was listening to the extatic media propaganda about a "clean war", "for freedom", that would last only "weeks", just to "enact regime change".

They wanted it, so badly that they sold it with a big lie, Irak had WMDs and was a menace for "world peace". They had to "make war in order to preserve peace".
the lies were not enough. They could not get the UN support for the aggression. Yet they would go, Stepping over, stepping over Irak, stepping over international "right", stepping over my illusions in a benevolent western civilisation...Yet they would go, they had to have at it...
Delirious hysteria in the media that would speak hours on end about cleanliness of high tech war and minimal civilian damage, enabled by "surgical approach" and blitz campaign, like a surgeon swiftly removing a tumor...

From that day on i slowly fell into depression. I was feeling as guilty as if i had done it myself. I was so blindly convinced that western democracies were democratic and that what happened was the will of the people.

I know now that our "democracies" are but a sinister farce, and that they can act as ignominously as the nazis when they invaded Poland.

They had won all the wars; They had won the war on minds with cultural and news propaganda. they had won the war on beings struggling for survival with "the economy", they had got their money from my work and my sweat, they had got their leader with candid and frightened votes... they could even tell me that black is white, and the other way round, i would have had believed it, a few months earlier.

That day the world went to war, and i went to war with myself, filled with hopes for a better day, and fears it would go worse, and sorrow for the countless powerless that would die from this quasi-religious exaltation, and filled with the utter disgust/relief of being nothing in this machine... i fell into deep despair.
Over four years the lies and propaganda continued...
i stooped, stopped talking, stopped doing anything. Yet their words now had no more power on me... slowly i tamed the fear. Slowly i went from despair to anger and now to cold resolution. I won't fight for a car or riches. i will consume and produce as little and as leanly and cleanly as i can. I'll drop out of this... I will broaden my being, my understanding and my respect, to be able to meet other people in my situation, to be able to interact with them, and build mutual help, out of any economic circuits and into universal brotherhood of mankind.
Many months and a shrink later, my inside revolution has been gradually completed.
They like to say "know your ennemy(ies)",
I'll say "know your friends -and be uncounted by your ennemies."
I have become a dark matter. I'm out of the western "Light". I have become part of the missing mass of the universe. I met a lot of people there, far outnumbering my wildest expectations. I had a lot of fun and good vibes from the ones i've met. I don't even dare to think about it, but i'm starting to think the critical mass has been reached. We dark atoms just need to come together, to realise it's possible, and this hell will be over, and there will be a short seizure of over-joy, and then peace, love and understanding everywhere... a lot of messing around too.

We have the technology, we'll have the abundance.
The Machine will stop from internal rust and contradictions, or it will blow our spaceship planet and us in it.

And so i bet:
At the crucial moment, It won't work.
"they might stop the party but they can't stop the future" (spiral tribe)
I see the hugest, global, rave and free party the world has ever seen. There will be music and love and spiritual sparks everywhere. In the mud. Under the rain.

I'm ready for a change. For the change. I wait and i smile, and spend my own time in joy. Because i've let go of the things i had to lose. It was not much. What they say i still "own" is not mine anymore. it's ours.

see you soon guys.
...

ok sorry for the heavy load. Four years of repressed feelings of absurdity and powerlessness!